I've been staring at this empty post box for 15 minutes, and have had several false starts, but I can't seem to write anymore.

And I know He likes when I write about our escapades, so it bugs me that I can't do this.

I think I'm just worrying about major life events. I'll just consider this post an IOU to everyone for a nice story sometime very soon.

PS. I didn't have sex that night, but last night we did...and it was perfect. Really beautiful.

Current Mood: sore

I've seen him nearly every day, and yet, for almost 2 weeks...no sex! ::whines, complains, and pouts:: He's been sick, and we've been spending most of our time in company, so no sex, and barely any teasing. ::stomps around petulantly::

And I should get my period tomorrow.

If I don't have sex tonight, I may cry.

Current Mood: horny

I should be seeing him in 25 hours...

Should be.

To the Unseen Forces that Control the Universe...

PLEASE???????

~Chea

Current Mood: restless

I literally spent half an hour laying in bed last night before I fell asleep day-dreaming about sucking his cock...

Half an hour.

God I miss him.

Current Mood: hot

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Wow, bedhead.
2. What's a word that rhymes with "FUCK"? luck.
3. Favourite planet? I'll go with Earth. Or the moon.
4. Who is the 4th person on your call list on your mobile? My godfather.
5. What is the ring on your phone? "Speed Up".
6. What shirt are you wearing? black tanktop.
7. Do you "label" yourself? Sure...but with tons of different conflicting labels.
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing? Just my feet. :-)
10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? She writes beautifully, and describes a truly lovely relationship that I sometimes envy.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleepin.
14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say? I'm Off!
15. Who was the last person you saw? the hurricane shutter guy, Tom.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? Latte. (I work at Starbucks)
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My godbrother.
18. Last furry thing you touched? my teddy bear.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last four days? Counting cigarettes and alcohol? Two.
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? None. Though I'd have many more if I had a camera.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 21 is working out pretty well for me so far.
22. Your worst enemy? Self-destruction.
23. What is your current desktop picture? Swiss mountaintops.
24. What was the last thing you said to some one? Ok.
25. If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to fly? Hmm....If I would be able to fly for the rest of my life, I'd choose that. If it was a one time thing though, I'd choose the money.
26. Do you like someone? I like many people!
27. The last song you listened to? I'm listening to the soundtrack to the movie X2 right now.
28. If the last person you talked to randomly got mad at you.. what would you say? Nothing.
29. If you could punch one person in the face who's in your life then who would it be? Probably my Master's older sister if I wouldn't get in horrible trouble for it. She just...bugs the hell out of me cause she dislikes me.
30. What is the closest object to your left foot? A mix CD that Master made a few years ago.

Current Mood: artistic

He's been gone since Friday and I am so fucking desperate right now. Not only am I missing being with him, talking and listening to music and gaming and cuddling and all the daily activities...but god! I miss sex soooooo much right now.

The last two days before he left we had big chunks of time to dedicate to sex and being together, and we took lovely advantage of that, so now I'm missing it hardcore.

::squirms and whimpers::

Current Mood: horny

He finally gave it to me yesterday! It's the red one.




I just like having it hanging there, just at the place where my breasts meet, nestled comfortingly between them.

Current Mood: loved

I keep forgetting to mention this. A couple posts ago I talked about geeky Masters, and said that my Master had come to meet me in a new Transformers shirt. I found it extremely amusing because...

For those of you saw the movie, you'll remember the police car Deceptacon? And perhaps even the motto on the side?

In place of 'to protect and serve' as there is on regular police cars, this car had the motto 'to punish and enslave'...

His shirt was the police force crest (with the Transformers insignia in it) and that motto.

When it finally hit me that it said that, I just looked at him and said, 'Even in your geekiness, you're Dominant!'

::shrugs::

I think that's just about the kinkiest t-shirt that I've seen that had absolutely nothing to do with kink.


Alright alright I'll go do my homework. :-P

Current Mood: bored

Master is out of the country for the next eleven days, so I won't be in contact with Him. He's leaving in the afternoon today and coming back on July 24th. I spent ALL day with Him and my brother (his best friend) yesterday, and so, last night, I knew I would be feeling quite a bit bereft today, since I won't see him again until he returns. So last night after I came home, I made myself a list for today, and I figured I'd post it in here, like pinksugar did a while ago with one of her lists...

I'll update later to see how I'm doing.

Work from 5-9 am-Done
Take a nice shower-Done
Make copy of driver's registration for next task-Turned out to be unnecessary
Mail college paperwork letter to prove residency-Also unnecessary
Change water in the fish tank-Done
Go see my Grandmother-Done
Call my friend Mark-Done (left a message)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie (At the IMAX!) with a friend at 4:05-Done
Call my harp student to set up her next lesson-Done (left a message)
Start Outline that is due on the 16th, for a paper that is due on the 30th (Eek.)
Do Post in my online American Social Problems Class-Done
10 Discussion Posts in aforementioned class (between now and tomorrow at 11:55 pm)-Did 4 or 5...the rest will be done tomorrow
Make Pimento Cheese(so I have some real food to eat)-Done
Watch Underworld Evolution (Master has been wanting me to watch it for months, and I keep not having time or something.)
Do Laundry (2 loads.)-Started around 10 am-Done!
Practice horn and harp (if I have time)
Bed by 11 at the latest (since I have to get up at 5:30 am tomorrow, because work is at 6:15)-On the way there now!

Wish me luck! I think I planned in too much stuff. I guess I'll have to multi-task like always!

1st Edit 12:45 PM- So I've gotten a lot of the running around away. I'm currently watching Mulan for a while and eating a salad before starting in on the rest of it. The homework is next I think. ::sigh::

2nd Edit 10:27 PM- Well, I've made a pretty good dent in the list. Tomorrow's looks like this.

Finish Discussion Posts
Take Quiz
Work from 6:15 am-1:45 pm (Yuck)
Start Outline
Best Friend Time! (We're going to watch Firefly, or go see Transformers, or get pedicures, or all three. And then some!)

I guess Underworld:Evolution is going to wait till later in the week. But I feel like I accomplished something today, and I've been wearing His shirt for part of the day, and the necklace He finally gave me. :-D It's mentioned in one of my first posts. It's a knife with a rose wrapped around it, and a drop of blood falling from the leaves. I got it from a collar site, and asked Him to hold it till I deserved it.

Anyway, now I'm going to bed, in His Him-smelling shirt, and sleep fast cause I gotta get up at 5:30.

Goodnight dears!

Current Mood: list-y

EDIT: Taken from slaverosebeauty, to whom I apologize for not crediting the first time I posted. My unintentional mistake.

Another edit: Come on ladies and gentleman...this is in good fun, at least in my opinion, and it IS based on truth. Don't take it toooo seriously.


I must not be a Twue slave;
I've bolded the ones that are not true for me, though.

--50 Reasons WHY--

I do not speak in 3rd person

I do not turn my webcam on for everyone who asks.

I do not greet my Master online on my knees, and in the nude

I do not have a list of dos and do nots spelled out.

I do not send out 'adult' pictures to everyone who asks for them.

I do not check in daily with my Master. (But only because I want to.)

I do not sleep naked every night.

I do not enjoy humiliation or objectification.

I do not enjoy being called 'slut,' slave,' or 'girl'.

I do not cyber.

I do not have a poly relationship, nor will I. (It's been discussed, not enacted, and wouldn't be without my full consent.)

I do not shave everyday or on a regular basis. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, unless I start looking like a gorilla.)

I do not report what I have consumed/eaten everyday to my Master.

I do not think my Master is ALWAYS right and can do NO wrong. (HA! Far from it. He knows I love and respect him, but he also knows that I'm very well aware of his faults.)

I do not sleep chained to my Master's bed.

I do not offer the use of my '3-holes' daily to my Master.

I do not ask for permission to speak.

I do not type with the Dominant/Top Type being Capitilized and the submissive/bottom type in lowercase. (Only occasionally, when it comes naturally, and I only ever have him capitalized, I never lowercase my name or pronouns.)

I have safewords AND limits. (I have a safeword, and limits that are mutual.)

I have an IQ OVER 100.

I have references.

I have written things my Master has never seen, read, or knows of.

I have friends who are NOT slaves or life-stylers.

I have a life apart from my M/s relationship.

I have email accounts my Master does NOT have access too or know about. (I only have one email account that I use with any regularity. lol.)

I have done things that my Master does not know about.

I have dreams about other men, who are NOT my Master. (I don't really dream about men, and the man is actually always my Master.)

I have written things about my Master that he doesn't know about.

I have male friends - in and out of the lifestyle that I see and talk to.

I have property.

I am NOT a doormat nor 'property' (I am NOT a doormat, but my Master does own me.)

I KNOW the difference between a submissive and a slave, and I insist on the correct term being used.

I practice and advocate SSC and RACK. (I advocate it, especially for those new to this, though I don't really practice it, and I don't know what RACK stands for. At least, I forgot.)

I speak to men and tops as my equals. (And sometimes as my inferiors. ::grins::)

I address my Master by His first name. (Probably more than I should, but yes.)

I get on boards, in forums and on sites without my Master's permission or knowledge.

I am NOT a masochist. (Not at all true for me, I'm afraid. I'm a painslut. But I have been for quite a while. Before I met Master, definitely.)

I expect to be treated with respect at all times. (Except when I WANT to be treated like a slut, and He knows that that nearly always is in the bedroom, and I usually indicate it.)

I have and express thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, and desires that are not in line with my Master's.

I can carry on an intelligent conversation.

I can and do make my own decisions.

I do wear panties, bras, lingerie and clothing on a regular basis.

My life doesn't revolve around my relationship with my Master. (Any more than it would around a vanilla relationship.)

I use the restroom unattended and with the door closed. (Um....YEAH.)

I am NOT shared or traded. (No way. He's not interested in any man touching me while I'm His.)

I kiss and hug my close friends, regardless of gender in front of my Master. (It's encouraged. He does the same.)

My Master is NOT the first person I think of in the morning. (Not the first always, though always in the top 5.)

I am NOT kept in a cage at night or when not in 'use' or 'needed'.

Current Mood: amused

closedingirl mentioned this after reading one of my comments...

Can I just say that I love seeing "My Master saw it" and then having you talk about how geeky he is. Soooo sweet!

That is part of what I love about my relationship with my Master. He knows He is a geek, and He rarely has any problem with me pointing it out.

Just this morning, He got in my car wearing a Transformers-related shirt, with a huge grin on His face, and the first thing I said to Him was, "Where's my 'I <3 my geek' shirt?!?". (When we went to see the Transformers movie last week, we ran into a friend of His, who was there with her Transformers-tshirt-wearing boyfriend, and she was wearing an 'I <3 my geek' t-shirt.)

:-D Does anyone else have any stories like this? Is your Master a straight-up geek too?

Current Mood: giggly

( Stuff to procrastinate with... )

Current Mood: bored

Found in another journal...


I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand
on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and
pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is
opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside"
door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This
is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or
snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be
avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to urp, get to an overstuffed chair
quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there
are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When urping on shag, be
sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare
foot.

III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (See Rule I.) It
is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

IV. HELPING: If one of your humans is engaged in some semi-closed activity
and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping";
humans are known to refer to it as hampering".

The following are the rules for "helping":

a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You
cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and
then picked up and comforted.

b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,
unless you can lie across the book itself.

c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most
important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the
pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it.
Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects
make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or
Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to help! First,
sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side
of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers,
scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the
second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are:

1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms;
2) In the dark; and
3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving
their coordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more)
of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and
squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will effectively keep them
pinned.

Current Mood: amused

if I should just delete this journal.

It was an order from Master, less than a month into our relationship, to create it, and to post in it about things that happened with us. But, I'm pretty sure that, unless I email the stories to Him, He never reads it, and doesn't comment.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that our relationship is less a 24/7 power exchange dynamic, and much more a 'scene' related thing, which pains me to no end, because, the more I read other's journals and explore my own needs and wants, the more I wish for that pervasive dynamic.

And the more I consider it, the less I am certain that it is what He wants as well.

I know that I am just being insecure and sulky because I miss Him right now, and He has talked about things that make me think He wants us to be that way before. But I just want it now, and it's not realistic to have that, in our current situation. But I can't help wanting...

And I can't help wondering how long it will be before He reads this if I don't point it out, how long it will be before He says anything...if He says anything.

He loves me a great deal, that I do not doubt at all. But is He prepared to be my Master in the way that I have become more and more certain that I desperately want? I just...don't know.

Current Mood: crushed

( Lots of blogthings... )

Current Mood: bored

Thank you for commenting...I was just having one of those "poor-me-no-one-likes-me-or-what-I-write" moments.

I know I post erratically and don't comment alot, but it's nice to hear from you ladies when you comment. And I do read your journals, religiously.

And to those who didn't respond, but read this, thanks for reading. I know you are probably too busy to comment, but I'm glad people are around. :-D

Current Mood: thankful

Does anyone read this anymore?

Current Mood: sad

I'm not prepared for it when we walk through the door.

My ever-present messenger bag slips from my shoulder and falls to the floor with a thud that entwines with my shriek, echoing through the empty house. I let my neck go limp, His hand holding it back, not creating as much pain now that I'm complying, as it did when he initially threaded His fingers through my hair and pulled my head back. My neck is still arched, and I can feel His eyes on my pale exposed throat, can almost see Him watching the blood pulse through my veins.

We stand in silence for a moment, my body taut with expectation under His hand. He is clearly enjoying this, this initial exertion of dominance over his otherwise headstrong girl. When we are out in the 'real world' it's always a teasing interplay between us, we take care of each other, and love flows back and forth, acknowledging that our particular kink is best kept mostly private. There is the undertone of something slightly different, but...there is nothing like this moment. When all of a sudden, I am totally his slut. He is entirely, every inch, my Master.

I luxuriate in this feeling, my mind going to that place. That soft quiet calm submissive spot that He has the ability to bring out so well.

His voice cracks through the silence "On your knees, Chea," and my eyes fly open as His hand starts to bear my body down, first to my knees, then onto my hands as well. He releases my hair for a moment, and I blink at the ground in front of me before looking up at him.

He crouches down, leaning His mouth close to my ear as His hand brushes the back of my neck slowly. "Remember what I told you, Chea?"

I swallow slowly and force out the words, "I think so, Master," my eyes now squeezed shut in humiliation.

"And what was that, slut?"

I gasp softly, my whisper barely audible as I respond, "That you would make me crawl...the entire time..."

My limbs are shaking under me as His hand brushes over my hair in an agonizingly slow gesture of comfort and dominance. He reaches under my chin and gently pulls my head up so that my face is tilted toward Him.

"Look at me, Chea." There is nothing but utter control and love in His voice, and at His command, my eyes open and focus intently on His, even though my body is now trembling to the point that I can barely think.

He smiles slightly, dropping a kiss on my forehead. As He pulls His lips and hand away, I see that the smile is gone and is replaced with an intense gaze. I let my head drop meekly as He utters the command,

"Now crawl."

Current Mood: horny as all HELL!